Therapy. What a fuckin thing amirite? You, a Human, go pay another human who doesn’t know you to listen to you. After an hour or so, they say, “It sounds like you need to have a conversation with someone.”
And you reply right, right but Greece seems really interesting. They nod at you as you circle the drain. They ask if you’re going to flush it already. And you say Wait, I haven’t tried driverless cars. And this stranger, whose time you’re paying for, asks an automated vehicle? And you reply well duh. It’s weird, right? Your therapist says, “literally just talk to the person and have a human interaction. Why are we getting into driverless cars? The fuc–”
They say to you, “It seems to me in my experience of dealing with other humans that you need to heal yourself first,” ie, put on your own Air mask thingy first. Help the dipshit that is also yourself first.” And you, the problem—er—protagonist of your own story, consider what the strange person who is billing you has just said. You nod. Do we keep doing this you ask. They say I got time if you got money, but I think you should tell someone what you’re feeling.
And then when you’re done you’re like. I didn’t need to pay someone to tell me what I already knew.
I guess whatever I’m trying to tell you is that yes, you did a cunty thing. Own your part of the thing. No one owes you forgiveness.
Tell someone they hurt you. Let them tell you how you hurt them. Own your end. Do better. You do that in every human interaction after. You’re probably still a cunt. But hey, you’re trying.
And the stranger therapist cuts into your insufferable monologuing to offer, “Have you tried shrooms?” Will it help me be less of a cunt? You ask. And they say bro. How many different ways do I have to tell you: TALK TO THE PERSON you adorably confused doofus. Okay fine I say.
And then what you have after which is a “boring” thing called a life. No one makes shows about that type of life. It’s the one where you piss and shit and fuck and life keeps going asking you for more, it takes everything you love, everyone you love.
You still have to accept the fact that while being insufferable and caring about a lot of dumb shit no one else does that you deserve love. And you have to manage that AND fight for the things and people you love so much.
Your therapist says Bro that sounds great. Did you make that call?
In a sec you say I’m running hot over here. The stranger is like please ffs CALL THE PERSON.
And maybe they call. When they do you have a decision to make. Do you want to be happy? It makes for really boring TV. But goddamn I would savor every minute and not skip a single fuckin second.
In a world where you can be anything don’t be a cunty dick-shaped rocket boi. Instead, be a lover. Pay the stranger therapy person to tell you that the answer is within you. Do the hard and scary work. You deserve what’s on the other side of scary.