Um, we matched before.We went on two dates last year, and you told me you weren’t into me.
I felt put on, but it was true. The text message was right there. I liked her pretty face and thought, why not?
I should have known. I did know. We got on for a whole month and nine days before I did it again.
We matched before, remember? You suggested we go on a date in Prague, but you ghosted me. To be fair, I messaged her. She didn’t reply, and by the second day of no reply, I unmatched. Maybe I should have ghosted her…
I opened TikTok for the first time in months, and there was a message from her: “Hey, it’s been a while. How are you?“
I texted her, “You can just text me.” She said, “Oh, I didn’t want to bother you; I figured you’d probably take a bit to get back to me if you wanted to. So what’s up?”
It took a month to find time for a date to find out there was no interest.
A titty pic on the phone. I hadn’t heard from her in six months. I reply yeah? She says yeah. I make the drive. I’m watching Euphoria. Want to finish watching it with me?
I saw a teen dressed as a nun get eaten out by a teen boy who might’ve been forty in real life. My high school life was so boring, I say. Awww. It would help if you had gone to a cool school. I think you’re cool, daddy.
We shut each other up over some making out and fucking.
Daddy… What the fuck.
I tell my friend, Rachel, I don’t try to date younger women, you know. I am trying to date women close to my age—she cuts me off. She begins her cross-examination: How old was your ex? She was like thirty or thirty-two? The vet gal? Thirty. Right? Oh, oh, the two women you met in Krakow… Alright, alright. I was full of shit. She was right.
What’s with women, particularly those in their thirties, using Daddy so goddamn much? I don’t say anything, but it definitely gets in my head. I almost want to say sister or mother or something like that.
I find myself back at her place, examining her copy of the Flamingo House—I ask if I can peel off the plastic; she says I’ll let you play with these, taking her breasts out as I put the book down. Thank you, Daddy, she laughs. What a dick.